Apple bricking iPhones and iPads in the UK to protect kids

The minute my Linux distro of choice introduces age verification, we part company. There is no way – no way on Earth – that I will ever be undergoing any sort of age verification for the privilege of using something I own. Or, for the privilege of using a service, because there is no service or product on Earth that is worth me verifying my age for.

Apple has begun asking iPhone users in the UK to prove their age. Until then, users are basically stuck with a child’s phone in their hands; a very expensive child’s phone. With the iOS update 26.4, the checks begin.

I use Android. When that nonsense begins – and it will begin soon – I’m out. Rooting my device has never sounded so good and sane as it does right now.

I personally do not use my phone much for the Internet. I do, however, feel pity for adults who do. Adults. Grown-up humans who have the right to walk into a shop, buy a packet of cigarettes or alcohol or a porn mag if they’re into that. One could counter-argue that a sort of “soft” age verification does take place when the cashier looks at you and judges your age before allowing the purchase. Fine. The buyer still has a choice: don’t walk into the shop to buy those items. That is, stop using their service.

The difference with iPhone is that the buyer “owns” the shopfront. It could be their only access to the Internet. They can’t just stop using their own device because the government and the tech overlords changed the rules. The rules are well-intentioned: protect the kids. But this needs to be done in a better way as opposed to the dragnet fashion we now see.

This is thinly-veiled totalitarianism. In my opinion, it would be much better if the UK blocked or was blocked. Think Imgur, who simply flipped a switch, disabling access to their service from the UK. Or, why not have a firewall like China does? Oh, wait, China is also totalitarian!

This is a rock and a hard place. We now own nothing, and when presented with the illusion of ownership, some tech king can simply issue an update to effectively cripple a device. What is weird is that the current UK law does not even compel them to do this. Apple does not peddle that sort of porn. They just did what Apple has always done: lock down users because they can. Except that this time, the walled garden is the entire Internet.

Android, listen up. The millisecond you pull this stunt, you’re out of here. I don’t strictly need a non-rooted device just because my banking app maker insists on it. I can not use my phone to do a quick transaction or balance check. I’m lucky enough to have a PC where I can log on for that sort of thing. And, I can go back to using cash, like the good old days.

This whole age verification is getting out of hand. Once I am personally impacted, it will make things just a tad bit inconvenient. I will need to change a few things (like how I bank online) but that is probably all. It is a minor, cheap problem to overcome when compared to having an expensive phone effectively bricked by Apple.