Man flu

I have man flu. This is a semi-fatal disease which affects males only. If you’re not male, there is no chance of understanding the disease, and it is quite common for non-males to poke fun at those who contract the man flu.

Semi-fatal? Yes, that is correct – it almost ends your life or at the very least, it feels that way. Men cease to behave like men, and revert to being babies. For the tougher of the gender, they at least manage to behave like toddlers. I’m, erm, of the toddler variety myself.

If you happen to live in the same four walls as a female of the species, man flu is known to also impact them. Whereas the male might be in agony (poor thing) from shivers, a runny nose, a sore throat, coughing fits, aches and pains (in all joints) and a headache, the effects of the male having man flu results in irrational and unfair behaviour on the part of the female in the household. It appears to give them maximum emotion damage, causing them to lash out and frequently utter the words “man up”. These utterances, heaped upon the poor soul already undergoing immense, untold suffering, cause more injury, and further weaken their already-fragile state. It’s an endless cycle, not to mention, cruel.

As I lay here on my back under a blanket with a steaming hot cup of tea at my side, think of me, please. I have barely managed to find the strength to type this out. I had to make my own tea, for goodness’ sake. You cannot imagine how difficult and strenuous that was. I had to stand up and walk to the kitchen, fill the kettle and wait for it to boil. Life is hard for me right now.