Insomnia and weird dreams
This is the second time this week, but at least it’s Sunday. The worst is when I wake up at 2am during the working week and can’t fall asleep again. The day is a struggle to get through and I end up feeling so tired that come bedtime, I literally collapse.
These episodes — thankfully rare — usually occur after having a vivid dream. They are not nightmares but are “immersive” if I can call them that, a level of dreaming that feels as if you’re actually there instead of here. After waking up, it takes me a couple of minutes to get my bearings before I realise which reality I’m currently occupying.
I’ve always liked dreams and view them as my CPU performing backups and downtime maintenance on the system. Plus, you get to watch a movie during this time and that’s always fascinated me immensely. Granted, some dreams leave me feeling anxious, searching for meaning, etc. And others make me shake my head in wonderment at the weirdness of it all.
The one tonight was weird. I was in my car, parked outside a shopping centre I remember from my childhood. It was a hot and humid day, the window was down and the door was open slightly, I presume to let the air circulate. I could literally feel the car’s fan blowing the hot air around on my face. I was sitting behind the wheel, waiting for someone.
They came and I walked away somewhere. I didn’t see who it was until I returned to the car, seeing my late brother standing next to the empty parking bay, talking on his phone. I approached and asked where my car was. He said that it had been stolen and continued his conversation on the phone (inaudible).
He was wearing a jacket, which was weird, as it was a boiling hot day, the height of a hot Summer. I could literally feel the sweat on my face.
I shrugged, looking around, perhaps hoping to spot my car. Then I said, “It’s OK, it’s just a car.”
Am I that chilled in real life? Probably not. Who was he talking to? Maybe he was speaking to the cops, reporting the missing vehicle, who knows. And the parking spaces were eerily deserted. There were a few people walking around in the distance but it felt like the Sunday afternoons of my childhood, where everything is shut, the roads quiet, with people mostly at home or have already arrived at their destinations, visiting family or friends. Nothing was moving, not even the hot, humid air. The people in the distance were walking the way humans walk when it is too hot; they moved lethargically.
What does all this mean, I wonder? Firstly, I have taken to dreaming a lot about my late brother. It is understandable, as we were close so there is perhaps the human emotion of missing him entwined deeply somewhere in my subconscious. Secondly, I’m not that chilled out! In fact, he was always the one to remind me to calm the f down in these types of situations. Is this my mind’s way of replying that I’ve finally learnt to stay calm under pressure? Well, I have. I’m older and (hopefully) a bit wiser now and I have noticed the increased cool in me when faced with stressful situations.
I have a book somewhere on dreams and their meaning. I think of trying to explain dreams in much the same way as reading my astrological star sign’s horoscope: they are always wide open to interpretation. The explanations are purposefully vague so as to provide the illusion of deeper meaning, with words carefully chosen to be relatable to the largest pool of people possible. However, I’m going to look up this one, as I am curious. I’m also very interested in why I always seem to wake up after these incredibly vivid dreams and cannot get back to sleep even though I’m dog-tired.